Izdihar - Magic Kingdom Escapology

I have the singular duty and delight to report that you have just served me the most disgusting in-flight meal it has ever been my displeasure to partake of. Even at the best of times, airline meals are unlikely to be the stuff that Michelin stars are made of, but today saw you plumb new depths in culinary faux pas. It was with sinking feeling that AM and I were offered the expansive range of options today consisting as they did of lamb 'nondescript', or the vegetarian option, a mushroom 'bland'. AM doesn't go in much for anything involving fungi and would have rejected the 'bland' even if prepared and served by the Roux Brothers themselves. I, whilst not averse to mushrooms, didn't much fancy the meat free choice either, so the pair of us plumped for the lamb. We should have considered ourselves forewarned by the brown foil covering of the container in which the main course was concealed. Peeling the foil back revealed what I could only describe as a pair of glistening turdlets rating a Type 4 designation on the Bristol Stool Scale. As a flicker of barely warmed steam rose from them, it was clear that the accompaniment did little to disavow us of that initial allusion, the only possible improvement could have been a few squares of toilet tissue resting neatly atop the pile. I must confess dear reader, that through a feat of cast iron stomachry, I did in fact manage to consume one of the offending logs and am able to report that it tasted no better than it looked. Salvation came only from the rubbery orange thing masquerading as cheese. I was remiss in one of my earlier reports (New note book, new trip, new destination), that I did not mention that I & G served us with the finest piece of Brie I've ever eaten - you may take it as read that any comparison of this with today's rubber triangle would have as much meaning as comparing the ordnance carrying capability of a B52 with a SPAD. That aside, it was at least of the right side of palatability, as was the toffee and something else cheesecake. I'll not mention the tea, save to say that any hope of rescuing the dire state of the meal 'experience' took a nose dive as I first had to 'milk' the sachet in true rustic style, then retrieve the sugar packet from the lukewarm liquid. The only thing approaching a nirvana like plain, was when our serving person came to collect the mortal remains. I can only hope that there is some form of crematorium up front, where BMI can finally do the decent thing for it. Never before can any sheep have laid down its life so hopelessly in vain as was the case today. The votes from the English judges? 'Nil point' is surely too good for this one.