With izdihar currently stuck in a holding pattern whilst I work on some stuff behind the scenes (should be good, I promise), I thought I'd give you something good to look and listen to whilst I'm getting things sorted. It's something that came on the iPod whilst out in the car this morning. I'd not really listened closely to the lyrics before, but a couple of lines caught my attention. If this is what infatuation sounds like, it's perhaps not such a bad thing...

Depeche Mode: In Your Room

It's either very late or very early. My brain says the former, as I've not slept on this flight. I am as ever on the BMI flight from RUH to LHR, brain fried and horribly fuzzy. We're somewhere over Turkey but not yet to Istanbul - plenty of flight left yet then. Mecca is long behind us though, the map says Bucharest is straight ahead - what would I find there I wonder? The iPod is 'singing' to me, strictly speaking it's Dave Gahan and Depeche Mode, but that was long ago. Only the little white faced box is really working, Dave Gahan knows nothing of his performance tonight, much less to who.

I had words at one point, but I was too wrapped up in Iain M. Banks. I'm reading 'Matter' at the moment. Whilst I'm not sure I've read everything he's done, I'm much of the opinion that this is by far the best of the Culture stuff he's done - met him at a book signing many years ago, nice chap.

Why doesn't my mind ever switch off? I know I've not done a few things before I left tonight, and some of those that I did were not as good as they could have been. It seems a perpetual torment that I agonise over stuff that's not as good as I might think I could have done, yet those indescribably less capable than I, get away with turning out crap and couldn't give two hoots. I will die unhappy, knowing that however good I gave, it was never quite good enough (in my mind at any rate). I remain driven by the belief that I am slovenly and indolent and must try harder - where did I go in all this I wonder? I remain life's play thing to be directed at the behest of a greater cause.

That said, I feel more attuned to what's going on around me and feel better placed to influence it. If I want anything currently, it's my 15 minutes and the acknowledgement that I do contribute. I no longer wish to be someone else's passenger and desire the reward I feel I've earned. Clear a path, I'm coming through - something like that anyway...

The map says we're just over the Black Sea coast and are encroaching on mainland Europe, if only the dark (to me) Eastern nations, Romania I think, Hungary next. Places I know nothing of, though I did once meet a girl from Romanian girl serving in a bar in Bahrain. An image sticks in my head of her, as they have a distinctive look to them, that is very none British, or at least it was until the doors were thrown open.

We must be nearly half way there now and Tool are blasting out Lateralus. I'm nearly 48 and wouldn't trade this kind of music for anything - Stephen Fry, and his regular Tweets of Debussy and Mahler, I am not. Stick 6 strings on it and turn the fucker up LOUD! Moved onto Sian Evans and Kosheen - I don't mind that either. I have catholic tastes, whatever that means. Bucharest to our right now - what's it like down their?

About 3 hours to go, time for a doze I think. Dream of home maybe for a bit - not the place I left though. G'nite...